How’s it going with allowing yourself to feel your feelings? As you continue to allow yourself to feel them, it does get easier and easier.
Today, I want to dive deeper into this idea (If you’d rather watch the video than read the post, click here.)
I shared a story about one of my aerial showcases where I experience being afraid even though I didn’t think that I was.
After the dress rehearsal, where I let my feelings run away, I decided that, if they showed up again during the showcase I would acknowledge them, accept them, and allow them to be there so that I could shift the energy from anxiety and fear to peace and calm.
I started calling this the AAA method and, my clients, who actually use it say that it’s a miracle.
Because it really is miraculous when we let the emotions run their course.
I had mentioned in another video that the Heart Math Institute has found that it takes 90 seconds for the chemical emotion to run through you.
I thought I had read it from the Heart Math Institute but as I’m going back through for the source, I can’t find it. I have read things that this was said by Jill Bolte Taylor, also by Pema Chodron…all that to say, I’m not 100% where it originated but the idea of it remains the same.
The idea is that if we allow an emotion to exist for 90 seconds without judging it will disappear.
“Once triggered, the chemical released by my brain surges through my body and I have a physiological experience. Within 90 seconds from the initial trigger, the chemical component of my anger has completely dissipated from my blood and my automatic response is over. If, however, I remain angry after those 90 seconds have passed, then it is because I have chosen to let that circuit continue to run.”
It would seem like it’d be so easy, right?
I have a client that I love working with (truth be told, I love all of my clients!)—she’s wrestled with anger being her go-to emotion and wanted to have a different experience in her life.
When we talked about this idea of the 90-Second Rule, her experiment was to, for the week, allow herself to feel whatever she was feeling for 90-seconds.
When we talked the following week, she said something along the lines of, “Heather, I think that rule is for everyone else, but not me. It takes days before the emotion passes for me!”
Because we have been working together for a few months and I know her decently well by now, I asked her, “When you felt that feeling of anger, did you then think only about the experience you are reacting to or all of the other times someone did you wrong?”
She replied, “all of the other times.”
Remember how I had mentioned that a feeling is a response in your body to an event and an emotion is a response to the story or belief you have about something.
What happens is, we feel a feeling, then we create a story about it, and, most of us will tend to layer story after story. We replay memories over and over, which causes us to stay in the feeling rather than allow it to pass in 90 seconds.
In order to work through the emotions, we have to stop the stories that we are playing about things that happened in the past.
I saw this quote today by Byron Katie—she wrote the books “Loving What Is”, which is a phenomenal book that I recommend every one of my clients to listen to (It’s way better to listen to than to read) and “A Mind at Home With Itself”; it says:
“If you want an extraordinary future, question your past in the present” (Byron Katie)
What I love about this simple sentence is that it reminds us to question the current beliefs that we have about our past and recognize how much we are allowing our past to determine our current life.
When we take the 90 seconds to feel the emotions, let them run through us then, we will have less and less that will rob our present moments of feeling amazing.
On my next video, I’m going to share a story that happened the other day about me watch a guy break into my apartment building, then knock on my door and talk about how it can apply to us feeling amazing or not.…after that, we’ll start to dive into how to release the emotions that are trapped in our nervous system…..
But for now, I’ll leave you with today’s tip….
Today’s Tip: Play around with the 90-second rule. Acknowledge, Accept and Allow yourself to fully feel what you are feeling!