Happy tip #16 of “How to feel amazing”!
I started doing these to answer people’s questions of “how can I love myself?” and “how can I feel amazing physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually?”
There are soooo many things that we can do to create the feelings we want to feel, part of me didn’t know where to start with all of the tools….(If you’d like to watch the video of today’s tip instead of reading, click here***)
Food is an amazing tool to help us feel better so for 10 days we talked about different ways to use food to feel better—there’s so much more I can talk about with food and I will at some point…
….but I wanted to pause on the “how’s” to talk about something that is even more important to do when attempting to feel better…which is getting clear on who you want to be and looking at the beliefs that are stopping you from being that person to create the experience you desire to have.
In tip #15, I had you write up what needs to be true in your life that isn’t true currently.
Today we’re going to look at how you can start to make what you want true in your life to become true. We’ve touched on this a bit but I want to break this down for you a bit more.
In the world of personal development, many people are focused on their goals and achieving them, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but there are challenges that come with focusing on a goal.
I explain it to my clients like this….
If I had someone come to me who said he/she wanted to win the gold in the Olympics, if I were a traditional “results coach” we could come up with a bunch of action steps to ensure that he/she would qualify then compete & he/she would focus on “win the gold” for days, weeks, months, years.
Then, the time comes to compete in the Olympics & imagine he/she wins.
How does he/she feel after the 15 minutes of fame are over?
Most people say sad, depressed…wondering what to do next.
Imagine that he/she loses….how does he/she feel?
Most people say sad, depressed, sometimes driven even more to train harder to compete in the next round—and at that point, they are living in an energy that is exhausting.
When we focus on a “goal” that is something that is over there. Something that we believe will allow us to feel a certain way…but, the problem is with this theory, that feeling never comes.
So we chase more “goals” with the hopes of feeling a certain way.
Now imagine that if, this same person came to me & said that he/she wanted to win the gold in the Olympics and I asked him/her how they were anticipating feeling when they win the gold and they answered, “significant, proud & accomplished”.
This time, instead of just coming up with action steps, I asked him/her what ways could they find to feel significant, proud & accomplished every day.
They created action steps that will both allow them to feel those feelings AND that will move them towards winning the gold.
And, for days, weeks, months, years they focused on finding ways to feel significant, proud & accomplished.
At the end of each day, they smiled because they felt significant, proud & accomplished.
Then, the time comes to compete & imagine he/she wins.
How does he/she feel, having focused on finding ways each day to feel significant, proud & accomplished, after the 15 minutes of fame are over?
Most people say significant, proud & accomplished.
Imagine that he/she loses….how does he/she feel?
Most people say still significant, proud & accomplished.
You see, as humans, we never really want to accomplish a goal.
What we want is to experience the feeling that we believe the goal will give us.
When we make the decision to create experiences we are more likely to come from a place of inspiration, rather than feeling like it’s a “have to”…which, I’ll talk more about this tomorrow.
In tip 13, I shared about deciding how you want to feel and gathering evidence to support it.
In tip 14, I shared about how 80% of our thoughts are negative and that 98% of our thoughts are the same as the day before.
In tip 15, I invited you to ask the question, “What needs to be true, that isn’t true for you now, to have an amazing life?”
Today, I want to dig deeper with all of those.
If you’ve had some goals that you have been working on, ask yourself these questions,
What do I hope to feel by accomplishing this?
What ways could I create those feelings today?
What thoughts would I need to start thinking to have that experience?
Of the things that need to be true, what are the things that are in MY control that I can actually change? (Most people focus on the things that are NOT in their control, which is what keeps them stuck).
Then, each day, look for ways to feel that feeling first.
Consciously notice the thoughts you have surrounding the experience you want to have and when you notice it isn’t one that supports how you want to feel, make a conscious decision to change it.
For example, I love helping people; I don’t necessarily enjoy the process of writing and doing all of the behind the scenes to put something up on the internet (between blog posts & social media, it can be a LOT of work).
I could hire someone to do it for me, but at this stage, I have the time so it seems ridiculous to pay some to do something I can do. So, I made a decision that I’m going to feel grateful, excited and joy when I do the behind the scenes work (grateful for having the means to do the work, excited for all of the people I get to help and joy for the ability to serve).
What was once an arduous task, has now become a source of joy for me.
Lastly, take steps to shift the things that are in your control to have the experience you want to have.
As I’ve mentioned before, this is a muscle to be built….It’s not always easy at first and I can promise you, it does get easier.
Today’s Tip: Focusing on the feeling you desire to experience from achieving a goal will create a much more enjoyable experience than if you just focused on the goal.