Being in a place of “fear” is not a place I like to be.

Yet, like everyone else, I find myself sometimes living in fear –fear of change; fear of becoming bored; fear of not being enough; fear of someone saying I wasn’t able to help them; fear of being broke; fear that I’m not lovable; fear of not being successful…you know the stories, we all have them.

Whether it’s in our relationships, our career, or our health we all have things that we fear.

At one time or another we all think:

“Will I find love again?”

“How will I make enough money to support myself?”

“Will they like me?”

or fill in your own fear……

And, despite those fears, no matter what happens everything always works itself out.

You find an even better love or realize that you are very happy on your own.

You find a better job.

You find a peer group that loves you unconditionally.

When you look back on that “in-between” phase, you realize that, although it was painful that’s when you grew the most.

You realized that had you not experienced that “painful” event, you wouldn’t be the person you are today.

There’s an excerpt from Warriors of the Heart by Danaan Perry that I was introduced to in 2006 when my life was in a huge transition stage. 

There have been many transitions since then and each time I remember this story and find comfort in it.

If you are in an “in-between” stage right now, I hope this helps to quite the fear and remind you how much greatness there is from one trapeze bar to the next.

It’s in that place that I believe the Smart Sexy Living occurs.



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The Flying Trapeze

Sometimes, I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I’m either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments, I’m hurdling across space between the trapeze bars.

Mostly, I spend my time hanging on for dear life to the trapeze bar of the moment. It carries me along a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I’m in control. I know most of the right questions, and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I’m merrily, or not so merrily, swinging along, I look ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see?

I see another trapeze bar looking at me. It’s empty. And I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart-of-hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on the present well-known bar, to move to the new one.

Each time it happens, I hope—no, I pray—that I won’t have to grab the new one. But in my knowing place, I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar, and for some moments in time I must hurdle across space before I can grab the new bar. Each time I do this I am filled with terror. It doesn’t matter that in all my previous hurdles I have always made it.

Each time, I am afraid I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless basin between the bars.

But I do it anyway. I must.

Perhaps this is the essence faith. No guarantees, no net, no insurance, but we do it anyway because hanging on to that old bar is no longer an option. And so, for what seems to be an eternity, but actually lasts a microsecond. I soar across the dark void called “the past is over, the future is not yet here.” It’s called a transition. I have come to believe that it is the only place that real change occurs.

I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a “no-thing,” a no-place between places. Sure, the old trapeze bar was real, and as for the new one coming towards me, I hope that’s real too. But the void in between? That’s just a scary, confusing, disorienting nowhere that must be gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible. What a shame!

I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are the illusions we dream up to not notice the void. Yes, with all the fear that can accompany transitions, they are still the most vibrant, growth-filled, passionate moments in our lives.

And so transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather giving ourselves permission to “hang out” in the transition zone–between the trapeze bars–allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens.

It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening. Hurdling through the void, we just may learn to fly.”


Do you ever feel like your life is a series of going from one trapeze bar to another?

I’d love to hear in the comments below how you handle the fears that come along with the transitions.

Eat Smart, Feel Sexy!

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